Three Celebrity 'Creatives' = Three Braincells

[Image via shesomajor.com] Geri Halliwell has blessed the British high street (well, Next) with her talent for stitching pieces of satin together and adding some very 90s spaghetti straps in strategic places. Okay, I do like the shade of the navy one, but otherwise this is essentially a lesson in how celebrity 'designers' can rip people off. There is nothing memorable or unique about these dresses and, as you can see from the lanky models, only short people such as Geri will be able to get a gown that skims the floor.

[Image via BruceJuice]. Every time I read a gossip magazine article about young popstars such as the highly banal Pixie Lott being hailed as 'style icons', a little part of me dies inside. The girl has a stylist who chooses her clothes and guides her towards each trend, making it somewhat laughable that Lott now professes to be a fashion designer with her regular capsule collections for Lipsy. Her style drops include numerous 'reinventing the wheel' moments, such as the shift dress available in both black and white (oh Pixie, you spoil us with your innovation), floral dresses, playsuits and more floppy hats than you can shake a stick at. Similar pieces can be found at every single fashion outlet on the planet, for considerably less cash.

[Image from Fashion Fame, depicting Katy Perry's Purr promo]. The prerequisite for becoming a 21st century female celeb is to release your own perfume. It doesn't matter if you have any olfactory interests, or if you even know what olfactory means, because you will suddenly wake up one day dreaming of fragrance topnotes and a burning desire to make everyone smell your talent. In recent months we've been encouraged to buy into Jennifer Aniston (l'eau du permanently single female), Rihanna (l'eau du skimpy outfits and S&M videos) and Katy Perry (l'eau du awkward high-profile marriage). Perry perhaps tops the list for me, as she promoted her scent whilst dressed in a catsuit with a giant ball of twine. Catnip not included.

My plea to celebrities who want to cash in on their fifteen minutes of fame with a clothing or perfume range? GET BACK TO YOUR DAY JOB. Ditto Justin Bieber and his nail varnish for tweens, which is undeniably odd and desperate. Other viable alternatives for less random self-promotion are the ghost-written autobiography and the calendar; both of these are accepted as the norm and are much easier to stomach as a moneyspinner, because they make sense and they involve little effort. I require a celebrity to dress me about as much as I need a banker doing my hair, or a laywer cooking my dinner. Let's hope that we're not soon to be graced with L'eau du Ryan Giggs or the clothing range from Chipmunk. Fingers most definitely crossed.

N.B. Thanks to Holly Lowe for alerting me to the Geri Halliwell collection.