Trends that I will never understand

I don't consider myself to be a sheep when it comes to fashion - yes, I enjoy reading about it and looking at it and thinking about how a trend develops, but I don't need to copy it mercilessly. It's great to embrace different looks, though ultimately you have to go with what suits you and makes you feel confident. There have been some cult items over the years that I really am unsure about, and I am determined never to embrace, so I have compiled them below to reflect on the sometimes worrying nature of fashion:-

1. CLOGS. I will admit that I once owned a pair (I was about 13 and I thought they'd be useful. They weren't. The only useful thing they did was hide my early-onset bunions. Otherwise they were ugly-looking, cumbersome and really quite sweaty). I know that Miu Miu do some so they're supposed to be fabulous, and normally Miu Miu as a brand is rarely wrong about looking good, but I'm still not sure I could succumb to them, unless I was trying to stop someone from asking me on a date and decided to dissuade them with the footwear equivalent of a chastity belt.
2. PARACHUTE TROUSERS. These were very popular circa 2000 and came in a variety of garish colours, with pink and turquoise as memorable highlights. Festooned with more straps and ties than a straightjacket, and requiring many users to seek said straightjacket for their taste levels, parachute trousers were the bedraggled bastard child of combats with even less sex appeal. They were often spotted in copies of Smash Hits magazine, back in the day, and luckily died a death along with the squeaky-clean pop groups who wore them.
3. NEON RAVE WEAR. Glowsticks, I can cope with. Neon face paint, in small doses, can be quite fun when you go clubbing, especially if you have had a lot of Snakebite beforehand. But a neon orange miniskirt, a neon yellow wifebeater vest or neon green legwarmers? Really? This trend just refuses to die, with designers constantly referencing it for Spring/Summer collections as they wipe away tears of nostalgia of their partying days. Even in an ironic, post-90s way, this trend is wrong on every level. It's like doing one of those weird eye tests at the opticians that make your eyes hurt and your head feel a bit fuzzy, only you can't escape and someone's banging on about 'livin' it laaarge' and digging out horrendous house music.
4. FURRY MOON BOOTS. No, you are not cute and 'fwuffy'. No, I don't care if you're responding to Chanel's Autumn/Winter fake fur look with serious dedication. You are moulting on my carpet and you look like a twat.
TO BE CONTINUED...